-Sick Musing- Happy Birthday to Who?

So I turned 17 yesterday (May 25th, for those marking calenders). I’d love to have this big story about how my life completely changed because I hit this milestone in my life; or how I had this mind-blowing party that I would never forget. But no, nothing like that happened. Now I’m just a pretentious 17 year-old instead of a pretentious 16 year-old—and that means a whole lot of jack shit.

Not to say that my birthday was bad, mind you; I actually had a pretty good day. I went to the record store with my sister, had a good lunch, and skated with my friends. But really, I could do such things any other day. And this just proves this mindset I’ve developed about birthdays since I started to actually think about such things: they’re just another day.

Birthdays are not special. To quote my last story, “Getting Better:”

Personally, I’ve never understood the celebration of birthdays. There are millions every day, and millions to come the next. People might say how it’s something like a milestone, but that’s crap. I’ve been able to walk for a few years, I’m not celebration that. I’m not celebration how long I’ve been able to drool, ruin lives and breathe either. When it comes down to it, the day you slithered out of your mother’s vagina is not as momentous as you wish to believe.

So, really, if you’re not able to figure out how I feel about birthdays yet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD7LpAWJ9tg 

-Sick Musing- You’re Fucking Kidding, Right?

SAT in two days. AP United States History test in 8 days. AP Composition test in 13 days. Finals and regents testing in the weeks following. 

Stress levels are high,
The stakes are higher,
And all I want to do is curl up in a ball that much tighter.

Being a student is this lovely combination of great fun and irresponsibility (let’s stay up till 2AM because we fucking can, let’s make out and fuck and be in bands and urban explore and skate and run from our problems) and completely overbearing stresses (Oh, I need to score what on my SAT? Oh, colleges only accept 4s on APs if I’m lucky? Oh, what I do now will alter the entire course of my life before me before I can actually decide what that course actually is?) that it makes me scratch my head until it fucking bleeds.

And I know—this sounds quaint, and stupid, and overall redundant because what right do I have to complain when so many people before and so many after will be dealing with the same thing? Absolutely no right at all. And maybe that’s the most frustrating part.

Our problems have been experienced before and will be experienced by countless others—we can only complain to ourselves, and then what does that solve? Complaining to those younger would just scare them, complaining to those older just offers a chuckle and a shake of the head and a pat on the back and a “don’t worry, you’ll do fine.”

That’s bullshit. What if I don’t do fine? What if I bomb my SAT? What if I won’t be able to afford colleges because of an inability to get scholarships? What if wasted all the money that could have gone to things like food on an AP test ($90 for each) that I might not even get a fucking credit for? 

With things like this bearing down on the mind, there can only be a few results. Mental breakdowns, rampant stress-eating, caffeine addictions… bitching to Tumblr. 

All I want to do is sleep. 

My Happenings and etc.: Punx & Bliss

thelionslivingroom:

I thought it necessary to write about my recent adventure I took this weekend—a local punk show. Plain old blogging usually is not what I do, but I thought this is something worth jotting down as I drive home from my dad’s and listen to the “Massive Amount of Shit” Kyle gave me.

I haven’t…

Hey look everyone, I’m mentioned. I’m all giddy.

Source: thelionslivingroom

-Sick Musing- In the Aftermath of KONY 2012 I do realize that, by now, this is old news. But I recently saw some KONY 2012 posters littering the woods a few minutes from my house, and that’s ignited some new feelings. Mostly of rage. I still just can’t believe that video, and my gut-reaction to it. I had no apprehensions, no feelings of “let me think about this for a minute.” Just a reaction kick to tell people about what was happening. It’s truly fucking sickening when a highly biased and morally ambiguous video can brainwash me better than Anthony Burgess did with A Clockwork Orange.  But now, only the stubborn or out-of-the-loop among us still support Invisible Children. These posters are left forgotten on street corners and billboards in pizza shops—or littering the ground, apparently. If anything, this video taught me this lesson that I find truly depressing: You can’t trust anyone.
Pop-upView Separately

-Sick Musing- In the Aftermath of KONY 2012

I do realize that, by now, this is old news. But I recently saw some KONY 2012 posters littering the woods a few minutes from my house, and that’s ignited some new feelings. Mostly of rage.

I still just can’t believe that video, and my gut-reaction to it. I had no apprehensions, no feelings of “let me think about this for a minute.” Just a reaction kick to tell people about what was happening. It’s truly fucking sickening when a highly biased and morally ambiguous video can brainwash me better than Anthony Burgess did with A Clockwork Orange. 

But now, only the stubborn or out-of-the-loop among us still support Invisible Children. These posters are left forgotten on street corners and billboards in pizza shops—or littering the ground, apparently. If anything, this video taught me this lesson that I find truly depressing:

You can’t trust anyone.

-Sick Musing- Daydreams There are these windows in my school that go from the floor to the roof. They’re placed at the end of 5 hallways, broken into 9 window panes, and 3 of them are located on the second floor. Every time I see one whilst upstairs, I get this peculiar compulsion to just jump right the fuck out of them. Granted, that’s not normal. That has never and will never be normal, to think to yourself “Wow, I should just jump out that and hurt myself” whenever you see a multi-person sized window. But it has to be understood that school, especially for me, is this environment that thrives on rigid structure. I go there to learn; anything else I do there I almost see as this waste of time. When all you do for about 6 hours a day is sit in a chair, listen to people talk and furiously copy down what is said—it gets to a person. Daydreams like these are often the only escape I have from the rigid walls of my high school. Being in this day and age, we all have our escapes. Whether they be iPhones with the Tumblr app installed or daydreams of barreling through a window at top speed just to see it happen.
Pop-upView Separately

-Sick Musing- Daydreams

There are these windows in my school that go from the floor to the roof. They’re placed at the end of 5 hallways, broken into 9 window panes, and 3 of them are located on the second floor. Every time I see one whilst upstairs, I get this peculiar compulsion to just jump right the fuck out of them.

Granted, that’s not normal. That has never and will never be normal, to think to yourself “Wow, I should just jump out that and hurt myself” whenever you see a multi-person sized window. But it has to be understood that school, especially for me, is this environment that thrives on rigid structure. I go there to learn; anything else I do there I almost see as this waste of time. When all you do for about 6 hours a day is sit in a chair, listen to people talk and furiously copy down what is said—it gets to a person. Daydreams like these are often the only escape I have from the rigid walls of my high school.

Being in this day and age, we all have our escapes. Whether they be iPhones with the Tumblr app installed or daydreams of barreling through a window at top speed just to see it happen.